It is difficult dealing with anxiety as an introvert. My tendency is to turn inward and process everything internally, and only reveal the problem and solution after having worked it out inside.
I am learning how this excludes and shuts out the people that love me.
I am learning that my wife wants to support me, and that when I “protect” her from the weight I am carrying, my distress isolates her and pulls her down as well.
I am also learning that there is a level of clarity, release and catharsis that comes from talking through the decisions and dilemmas that occupy my mind during certain seasons.
Although this is intuitive for some, it is new for me. It is hard for me. It takes sincere effort to pull thoughts together out of the cloud that is my mind and arrange the words together cohesively. When you have to do this for several concurrent issues, it can feel debilitating. So, it becomes easier to endure the weight and cloudiness than to sort through and share.
I am learning that even the slightest clarity that results from the effort of opening up is worth it. The care of my wife is worth it. The wisdom of good friends is worth it. The prayers and bolstering of those who love me is worth it.
Thank you to my wife for your patience as I learn to open up more.
I am still learning.